The Importance of Being Earnest

It's strange. I don't feel much like Oscar Wilde as I sit here, contemplating what to say. It's dark, and I should probably be in bed, considering I have to be up early to drive home for work tomorrow. But I just don't want to go.

I know that this blog was supposed to be about my journey through weight loss. Remixing my life. Honestly, I thought that in this new life, in the little community I've been serving in... I would be able to focus on this journey of mine. Pop back onto the scene a year later and 50+ pounds down, ready to keep the momentum going and thoroughly addicted to the rush that a healthy lifestyle brings. Instead, I found isolation and depression.

Neither of which is terribly condusive to aforementioned healthy lifestyle.

No, I'm not writing excuses. I've somehow managed to keep off the first ten pounds, by the grace of God alone. But I'm having the hardest time getting myself out of this slump. It's not even my weight. It's the isolation of living in a town of 120 people who only plaster on superficial smiles and then act rude and entitled when you show signs of having your own life and schedule, when you try to accomodate other people than just them -- or even if you simply don't serve them on a silver platter, no effort or responsibility required on their part. Where there are no people my age aside from my roommate and a select few souls that I wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole (i.e. the people that run the "medicinal marijuana farms" in town) and everyone holds me at a distance because I'm just going to leave. And the sad part is, I like it that way. Because with some of what I've seen over the last few months, I've realized I don't actually want any part in it. And the worst part is that there's just no escape within a two-hour drive. All I can do at the end of my four-day work week is attempt to make myself busy so I'm not saturated in whatever it is that's threatening to bog me down.

Somehow, in all of that... the remix falls silent as I struggle to keep my head above water.

Don't worry, I'm not exactly writing my Heilegenstadt Testament. (For those of you who are looking at me like I'm nuts, that's the suicide note Beethoven wrote before deciding mid-letter that he would live on for his art.) I just felt I owed it to those of you who might still be checking back every now and again to know what's going on. And honestly... to ask for a little help in return. Some of you who have talked to me about this blog have said that I've inspired you. I thank you for those wonderful sentiments, and I apologize sincerely for having stepped back. But truthfully, I could use all the inspiration I can get right now.

If anyone is still listening, I'm all ears.