Like a Bucket List, Only Without the Bucket

This post is a little early, since I'm off early tomorrow and will be gone until Wednesday night, and I'm not sure if there will be internet access or not. So if the next one doesn't come in until Thursday morning, please forgive me. It's a three-hour drive.

I would also like to take a minute to do a shameless plug! My friend Beth from college is also doing a weight-loss blog, and I wanted to point it out. If you'd like to check out this bright-eyed soprano's chronicles of weight-loss (and yoga!), you can find it at http://basggetskinny.blogspot.com . I know. Smartass musicians have to stick together, right?

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I've spent a lot of time thus far taking note of how easy it is to get caught up in all the things I can't do. How spectacularly bad I am at all things physical and how this tends to absolutely run my life. And this is all true. That frustration starts out as a productive thing, pushing me to go further and do better, because I'm afraid that I'll always be like this if I don't do something.

That said, the frustration is a horrible place to stop. It's far too easy to turn that around into self-loathing, depression and all that other crap your therapist says is bad for you. So I decided to try something. What if, instead of saying "damnit, I can't run a mile without stopping, poor me, boo-hoo, etc. etc. pity party," I said "you know, it'll be really nice when I can run a mile without stopping."

Semantics, right?

I know. I don't like the "feel-good-I'd-like-to-teach-the-world-to-sing" stuff either. It feels like a product Richard Simmons is trying to sell me in order to rub in the fact that I physically cannot hug myself (without drowning in a sea of arm-fat.) I always end up feeling like the people who always try to put a good face on things end up ignoring their real feelings and so they always look happy, when in reality they are neglecting their feelings so much that they end up more unhappy than normal. They just fake it better. Some of my family was like this, and I never knew if what I was seeing was real. But I do believe that there's a difference between this super-extreme perma-cheer and trying to put a positive spin on a negative situation.

So here's my idea. I started a list of things I want to be able to do when I'm healthier. Things that, admittedly, I can't do now. But this way, instead of focusing on the fact that I can't, I'm re-routing it so I can look forward to being able to do it in the future. It's sort of like having your own personal bucket list, only without that part where you die in the end.

Now, if you want to do the same, note that the list can include anything you want it to. Everyone is different. What are you interested in? What is that one thing that slaps you in the face when you're out in public? Put down whatever you like! (Though a word to the wise, if there are PG-13 things in there, keep it in your sock drawer instead of on the fridge. Fewer awkward questions.)

Here are some of the things I'm looking forward to:

-- Shopping for clothing that isn't plus-sized.
-- Taking full-body photos without cringing and cropping.
-- Not having to ask for seat extensions on airplanes. (Also, not being one of those people that people hate sitting next to on planes because they take up all the space.)
-- Being able to wear heels (theoretically.)
-- Learning to fence.
-- Being able to see my navel without an act of contortionism.
-- Not being afraid to go to the doctor.
-- Not walking funny. (Let's face it, I waddle a little. Sort of unavoidable.)
-- Keeping up with my nephew.
-- Going out with my friends and not having to worry about holding them back.
-- Sitting in a booth in a restaurant without leaving table-marks on my stomach.
-- Rock climbing/hiking.
-- Wakeboarding/snowboarding.

See? Most of these things are so little, but they make a difference to me. And that's what matters. I have many more. There are a million reasons to make this choice. That's the beauty of this sort of thing. There isn't a reason in the world to not work toward this goal. Leastways, not any that make a lick of sense if you really stop to think.

So I have a favor to ask. Help me add to this list. Even if you just have one idea, put it down! Chances are, someone else has been there. I know it seems cheesy and screams "life coach," but that doesn't make it wrong. So just bear with me, because this is the sort of thing that makes the fight personal, that makes it matter.

And if it's not personal... if it doesn't matter... what good is it?